Typewriter Series #2

A parking ticket.

How to love Captian Crunch

I eat cheerios. Multi-grain, whole grain, pink cheerios (valentine’s limited time offer), you name it. I’ve had it all. Mother likes cheerios. She has high cholesterol.

I used to think that sugar cereal was the answer to everything. If everyone woke up to Lucky Charms and Cookie Crisp, the world wouldn’t be so hungry for sophistication, and too full for dirtying.

IF YOU EAT CAPTAIN CRUNCH, YOU’LL NEVER DIE. CHOLESTEROL  ISN’T REAL.

Shine your shoes.  It’s a big day.  People to see.  Cereal to eat.

So you try dirtying  yourself. Captain Crunch is 10% off with the purchase of Cheerios. My mother’s cholesterol goes up.  It’s a big day for you and her.

You’re successful because you eat captain crunch and everything you ever dreamed of comes true. I said so.

Do you love me now? Will you share my speech on Facebook and tell your friends, “This girl, Hazel, she knows how to succeed!”. Will you buy my books? Or the boxes of captain crunch with my face on it? Will your in-laws hear about my Captain Crunch ordeal at Thanksgiving? You’ll send them my book for Christmas, and amazon-prime-pre-order,  my second book about Crunch Berries.

And you’ll quote me: “Cholesterol isn’t real with Captain Crunch." "You can do anything with Captain Crunch".

And you’ll love Captain Crunch. You’ll love Captain Crunch.

 Just, Hazel

The truth ^^

Batman didn't have a super power.

It was just June and I loved you like a splinter gives just enough hurt to tell you "you have a splinter".

Have you ever killed someone?

I'm just, Hazel, tonight.

Don't Make Me An Addict.

Adults take drugs because men cause heart attack.
There's no question people should stop taking drug(s).


Don't make me an addict, love.


Just, Hazel

Typewriter Series #1

The word "oblivinous" is grammatically not a real word but

Something Different

I never swear.

 Damn. That sounds like a good way to start. Damn that’s a nice yacht. I’m out of gas damn it. 

I never curse. Sometimes it’s because I think there’s a chance there could be something up there after our life closes. And that’s a risk I wouldn’t think is wise to throw away. But shit, I’m also afraid I’ll slip up and totally screw up swearing. What if I accidentally say something like, “What the damn is up” or “That’s so shitting cool”. I’d feel half-assed and I wouldn’t be giving the words justice. Hell, I’d ruin it for everybody. Everybody would be mad at Hazel and I’d feel awkward as Hell. Is Hell going to be awkward? 

I’m glad that Bob Ross doesn’t “give a shit about the moon”. First, I admire the shit out of him that he could say it like that. What a bad-ass. 

Sometimes I get bitchy and come very closing to cussing at whoever makes me mad. Tonight I’m not giving too many shits so hell yeah. 

But if I was giving shits I’d  say , “sofa king” and mouth the words, “vacuum bench” which makes it look like I’m swearing. So. That’s cool too. 

Just, Hazel

This would break your crayons.

They should make one final animated short. Where a now adult Bonnie visits the elderly, sick, and bedridden Andy in the hospital. Nobody would say anything, just soft music, and the sounds of the machines regulating. Bonnie's daughter walks in clutching a tattered woody. She walks to Any's bed and hesitates but Bonnie smiles at her and nods. She turns to Andy, places Woody in the crook of his arms and turns back to her mother's side. Moments pass and and Andy still lays in bed, eyes closed, chest rising and falling slowly. Bonnie and the daughter leave. Woody turns his head up and looks Andy up and down, and back to his closed eyes as if they were open. Woody lights up and says "Thanks, partner". A smile spreads slowly across Andy's face and Woody too closes his eyes.