How to love Captian Crunch

I eat cheerios. Multi-grain, whole grain, pink cheerios (valentine’s limited time offer), you name it. I’ve had it all. Mother likes cheerios. She has high cholesterol.

I used to think that sugar cereal was the answer to everything. If everyone woke up to Lucky Charms and Cookie Crisp, the world wouldn’t be so hungry for sophistication, and too full for dirtying.

IF YOU EAT CAPTAIN CRUNCH, YOU’LL NEVER DIE. CHOLESTEROL  ISN’T REAL.

Shine your shoes.  It’s a big day.  People to see.  Cereal to eat.

So you try dirtying  yourself. Captain Crunch is 10% off with the purchase of Cheerios. My mother’s cholesterol goes up.  It’s a big day for you and her.

You’re successful because you eat captain crunch and everything you ever dreamed of comes true. I said so.

Do you love me now? Will you share my speech on Facebook and tell your friends, “This girl, Hazel, she knows how to succeed!”. Will you buy my books? Or the boxes of captain crunch with my face on it? Will your in-laws hear about my Captain Crunch ordeal at Thanksgiving? You’ll send them my book for Christmas, and amazon-prime-pre-order,  my second book about Crunch Berries.

And you’ll quote me: “Cholesterol isn’t real with Captain Crunch." "You can do anything with Captain Crunch".

And you’ll love Captain Crunch. You’ll love Captain Crunch.

 Just, Hazel

The truth ^^