“Much of my life has been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people who loved me, so I knew what Augustus was doing. You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but a Sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile.” -John Green, A Fault In Our Stars.
I want to walk up the staircase having the last word. I’m always thinking I will be able to say it. I’ll begin to finally pronounce what I've rehearsed in my notebook. But then I decide what I say may hurt them, and I’m trying to lower the number of feelings I could potentially damage. This doesn't leave much room for satisfaction, but I redirect my sentence into something pleasing regardless. BUT ALAS! This labyrinth has contained me far too long. So I get to hide behind this monitor and shout why his hands suffocate me and why I want to be Grace Kelly.
I get nervous on airplanes. I don’t like watching the people, cars, and squares of houses get smaller. I really like breakfast except I’m always running behind to enjoyably eat it. When I get to heaven (presumably), I want to meet the wives of every president and whoever invented those shower heads where you can change the nozzle setting. Ziploc bags smell really good to me. I've never dreamt of Edward Cullen and that’s odd because he consumes my thoughts regularly. And my mom is bad at grocery shopping.
Just, Hazel
Specific and interesting. Two things people fail to be all the time.
ReplyDeleteSuper unique, and I loved how genuine this post came across. Fave line: And my mom is bad at grocery shopping.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorites. Your writing style is amazing.
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ReplyDeleteWhat does the paragraph after the John Green quote mean? Who is the "them" that you are referring to when you say "what I say may hurt them"? I really enjoyed that paragraph but I was confused.
ReplyDeleteokay I am really late on telling you this, but you are one of my favorites
ReplyDeleteI read this twice in a row because I liked it so much.
ReplyDeleteit makes you think.
ReplyDeleteand say things to people, they might need the reality check... trust me from experience
my mom is really bad at grocery shopping.
ReplyDeletehaha. love it. you talented writer, you.
HEY HAZEL GRACE. Girl I love you. I haven't forgetten, never will. Your warm heart your beautiful brain your powerful words.
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